My Heart Will Go On
by JoChryedLover
Summary: What if Bella and Alice hadn't been in time to save Edward in New Moon? What would have happened to Bella then? AU, Bella POV
1. Chapter 1

**This is set during New Moon, where Bella and Alice are trying to reach Edward in Volterra in time to stop him from taking his own life.**

**An AU story in which Bella and Alice are unable to reach him in time to stop him, and the events which follow for Bella.  
**

The flight from New York to Florence was the hardest, longest, most frustrating part of the entire journey. I just felt so useless, sitting on a plane over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, when, on the other side, Edward needed me.

"Go to sleep," Alice encouraged me. "You'll be no use to Edward in this state. I'll wake you up when I see something new."

"'Kay," I grumbled. As usual, she was right. Edward needed me, and I couldn't be much help to him if I was trying to reach him while I was sleep walking. Despite this, I was almost certain that sleep was a lost cause now. Alice pulled her feet up onto the seat, wrapped her arms around them, and rested her forehead on her knees, closing her eyes to help her concentrate.

I rested my head back against the seat, watching her closely for any signs of change, until unconsciousness finally dragged me under.

**Please leave a review to tell me what you thought!**


	2. Chapter 2

**OK, so this is where the drama starts!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter =]**

**xoxoxo  
**

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The next thing I knew, Alice was snapping the shade closed against the rising sun, shaking me awake.

"Bella!" she groaned.

"What's happening?" I mumbled. "Edward?"

"The Volturi have told him no," she breathed in my ear.

I felt almost giddy with joy. This was the news we were hoping for.

"And that's good, right?" I peeked a look at her face. It was not glowing as it had been before, and this worried me. "Alice, that's good? Isn't it?" It was as though she couldn't find the right words. Sorrow and pain were etched across her perfect features, and I knew then that we were too late.

"How?" my voice broke.

"He...he was contemplating a...a massacre of Volterra, but he changed his mind at the last minute..."

"He wouldn't want to disappoint Carlisle. In the end," my voice broke on the last word. If it was true, if Edward was truly gone, I didn't see how I was going to survive this time.

"He was going to wait until noon, and reveal himself in the sunlight..."

An image no one could ever forget; seeing a vampire glittering in the sun. The most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"In the end, he kept it simple. He waited for a small crowd to form, and threw a Jeep into a wall," a dry sob escaped from Alice's throat. "The Volturi took him down immediately..."

"Of course..." my voice was barely a whisper as I once again sunk gladly into unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews on the last two chapters!**

**If you have some thoughts on this one, please do leave me a review, as I do like to know what you all think!**

**xoxoxo**

**

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**When I came to again, I was a little disorientated. I was still on a plane, but I was sure that I'd been out for more than a few minutes. I stretched. Yep, I had definitely been out of it for a while. Plus, this plane was level, but the one we had been on was angling downwards, ready for a descent. Which meant...

"You're taking me home?" I twisted my head so that I could see Alice's face; I was currently pulled into her lap, my head against her chest.

"I told you before we left; I'm making sure I get you back to Charlie."

I didn't even ask how she had managed to get my unconscious form back onto another plane. I didn't really care.

I wasn't sure if the tears had continued when I was out of it, or whether they had started again the moment I woke up. I sobbed quietly into Alice's chest, and I was fleetingly glad that Alice had a one-wear policy on her clothing; the salt water would ruin her shirt.

"This is...all my...fault," I sobbed. "If I hadn't...jumped..." Alice was rubbing my back, trying to soothe me.

"No, Bella. It's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have been certain before I told anything to Rose," she growled her sister's name. "In fact, ultimately, it's Edward's fault. I told him he never should have left you! I knew something like this would happen!"

Edward's name brought with it a new set of tears, and the hole in my chest felt wider than ever. I was sure that, no matter what anyone said, or did, or no matter how much time I spent with Jake, I would not be able to survive. It took me several minutes to be able to form a coherent sentence.

"Why, Alice?" she looked...confused? "Why did it matter to him if I had died? He left me – he didn't want me any more..."

She cut me off, drying some of my tears, though they continued to flow heavily.

"He lied, Bella. He never wanted to leave you, but he hated himself for putting you in danger. His main concern was your safety, and he convinced himself that the only way to keep you safe was by leaving you. He wanted you to have a happy, normal, human life, with someone who deserved you. He loved you the whole time."

Her words brought on a whole other set of hysterics. Alice sobbed with me, although she had no tears to cry with.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to all of those who have added a review of this story so far! And sorry for the HUGE delay posting this part; I was sick all last week and didn't really have the energy to make it to the computer to post an update!**

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Alice carried me in her arms through Sea-Tac airport. I was exhausted, though I'd been unconscious for the majority of the return flight. My face, and Alice's shirt, were tear stained. As we reached the security gates, I saw the rest of the Cullen family waiting for us.

"Let me down," I whispered. Alice set me carefully on my feet, keeping one arm around my waist, supporting my weight.

As I focused in on the rest of her family, especially Esme, I began to sob again. Alice hadn't told the rest of her family what had happened, and I was grateful to her for that. For some reason, I wanted to be there when she broke the news. I wanted to apologise to Carlisle and Esme for taking their son away from them. I wanted to tell Rosalie that I didn't blame her. As soon as we passed through the security gates, Esme pulled me into her arms, sobbing tearlessly with me, as Alice broke the news to the rest of her family.

"Thank you," Esme whispered to me. "For trying to save him."

I shook my head.

"I'm so sorry, Esme. This is all my fault. Can you ever find the strength to forgive me?"

Esme said nothing. She simply pulled me back into her arms and hugged me tightly as more tears began to flow relentlessly down my face.

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**Only a short part this time, but I think the next couple of parts are quite long!**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is a relatively short part, and for that I apologize, and will post another part straight up!!**

**xoxoxo**

**

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**Seconds later, it seemed, Alice was gently shaking me awake and pulling me from Carlisle's car. She could see that I was exhausted, and so she pulled me up into her arms and carried me towards Charlie's house.

"Bella!" his shout seemed far away.

"Charlie," I mumbled.

"Alice hon, what is it?" his voice was closer now. He could see me more clearly. "What's wrong with her?"

"Can I get her inside, please, Charlie? She's very tired."

There was no answer, but Alice was moving, carrying me towards the house. The last thing I felt was her cool hands prying my fingers from around her neck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here we go, a longer part!!**

**Hope you like it!!**

**xoxoxo**

**

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**Alice had told Charlie everything. Well, as much as she could possibly tell him. She had told him that Rosalie had come back to Forks, and had saw me messing around with Jake, and had saw me jump off the cliff after Jake. She told him that Rosalie had only seen me jump off the cliff, not Jake, and had thought that I had tried to kill myself. (She reassured Charlie, at this point, that I wasn't trying to commit suicide). Alice had gone on to explain that Rosalie had called Edward with news of my 'death', and that Edward was beside herself. She said that, even though she had dragged me all the way to L.A., to show Edward that I was really alive and well, we were too late, and Edward had already taken his own life.

Charlie was very carefully around me, eyeing me with suspicion. To him, it wasn't as bad as the first time. The first time, when I had thought Edward didn't love me any more, I had had no one. This time, I had Alice with me, and I wasn't in that same catatonic state that I had been in. I was constantly around Alice or the rest of the Cullens.

That first night, the night after Alice had told Charlie what had happened, she had stayed with me all night. I had once again ruined one of her shirts with my tears; I had cried myself to sleep a number of times during the night, wishing that it was a different set of stone arms that were wrapped around me.

Alice had revealed to me that the photographs of Edward, and his music CD, were hidden under my floorboards, which brought on a new round of hysteria. It had been bad when I had realised that I didn't even have a picture to remember Edward by, but now that I did have one, somehow it was even worse. I now carried that first photograph of Edward, in my kitchen in his carefree state, his golden-brown eyes full of life and happiness, everywhere that I went. It had a place, always, close to my heart.

After Alice had revealed to me that the photographs and CD were not lost, she had stopped staying over. Instead, I found what little comfort I could in listening to his music over and over again. Occasionally, I would skip my lullaby, finding it too hard to listen to, and finding myself wishing that he were here humming it to me.

For the first week after Edward's death, my nights were free from both dreams and nightmares, for which I was glad. I knew that, if I dreamt of Edward, it would tip me over the edge. But I was also afraid of what my nightmares would contain...

I was surprised I had lasted this long. For weeks, I had been able to convince myself that I would be able to survive, even though the hole in my chest throbbed painfully, and I was rarely without tears in my eyes.

Charlie thought I was coping. He thought that, with Alice and the rest of the Cullens around, I would be able to cope, and, in time, move on. And, he was right. To an extent. Having Alice around did make it easier for me to cope, but I knew that I would never be able to move on. And I wasn't planning on living long enough to be able to move on...


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry that I haven't been able to update for a while!!**

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this so far!!**

**xoxoxo  
**

As I stood on the top of the cliffs at La Push, I felt nothing. How different my situation was, this time around. There was no laughing and joking with Jake and the rest of the wolves. There was only sorrow. And hope. Hope that no one would see me, either up here, or in the water, until it was too late. There were no hallucinations this time around – there was no Edward to care if I lived or died. As I stood with my toes locked at the edge of the cliff, I waited and waited for the sound of his voice to come to me, but it never did, and this frightened me. Surely, even in death, Edward would want to protect me? Maybe there was no better place after this life. Maybe, if there was, Edward didn't want to stop me, because he wanted me to join him. This seemed unlikely, as he wasn't even willing to turn me to keep me with him forever. The weather was the same as the last time; and I knew that the current would drag me under.

"Bella?"

Shoot...

"Go away, Jake," I didn't need to turn around to see who had interrupted my reverie.

"What are you doing, Bells?"

I turned to see him holding out his hands, his eyes wide with terror. Seeing him, I broke down.

"I can't do take this anymore, Jake! I can't keep pretending that everything's alright!"

"Bella..." Jake was speaking slowly, emphasising every word. "Please, don't do this."

"Why, Jake? What have I got left to live for?!"

"Please. For me."

I shook my head, throwing my hands up.

"He's gone, Jake!" I was screaming at him. It felt good to scream, but I did feel bad for screaming at Jake. "Edward is dead! How can I carry on after that?!"

"Bells, he was already -"

"Don't you dare tell me he was already dead, Jacob Black!"

"I can't let you do this, Bella! Think about Charlie! He needs you!"

I shook my head, turning back to face the water. As I looked down, I didn't feel any fear. Only relief. I flung out my arms and was ready to let myself fall, when Jake grabbed me from behind and pulled me back, flinging me back down onto the ground behind him.

"Jake!" I growled at him. He was so angry with me that he was vibrating. As he slowly began to calm down, I could see it in his eyes; there was no way he would let me do this.

"Fine!" I yelled, stomping away from him and slamming the door of my truck behind me as I climbed inside. "There is more than one way to get what I want, Jacob Black!" And I drove off as fast as my truck could take me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thought I'd upload another part, since it took me a while to update last time!!**

**xoxoxo  
**

Now that Jake knew my plans, I knew there was never going to be a moment when he or one of the other wolves weren't watching my every move. And, with Charlie and Alice also watching me suspiciously, it was getting harder and harder to get what I wanted. How unfair it seemed, that Edward should be at peace, while I woke everyday in my living hell. More and more each day, I missed the sound of his voice, the scent of him, the feel of his lips brushing mine. Occasionally, as I lay in my bed at night, I would hear a whisper of the wind which sounded exactly like him, or as I was out walking, I would catch a scent which would remind me of his. Eventually, it all got too much. All Charlie could do was watch as I slowly started sinking back into my depression. I stopped calling Alice back, and eventually, she realised that it was better for me if she just left me alone; she could see that having her around instead of her brother was breaking what was left of my heart more and more every day. This morning, it all got too much for Charlie to take.

"I think you should go to Florida, Bells," he started, in much the same way as he had all those months ago. "It's not helping you, being here, the place is full of memories."

And, this time, I agreed with him. The last time, I couldn't face going to Florida because I was afraid that the Cullens would become nothing more than a dream. That, since there would have been no evidence of their existence, I would have slowly started to forget about them. Now, I had the photograph of Edward with me, and I knew that I would never be able to forget. Edward and the Cullens would always exist for me now.

As I prepared to leave, Alice, who had undoubtedly seen my future, rushed over from the Cullen house, despite the afternoon sunshine, and climbed in through my window.

"Bella..." she pleaded with me.

"Alice, I need to get away. My dad's right, there are too many memories around here."

"Esme gave you two plane tickets," she reminded me.

"I'm sorry, Alice, but that one...it was for him. I don't want anyone else to take it." Alice pouted at me. "Besides, I think I need some time away from all of this...away from Forks, away from any mythological beings...Just give me this time to cope. Please."

Alice nodded, hanging her head in defeat. I gave her half a smile, kissed the top of her head, grabbed my suitcase, and headed to the door.

"See you, Alice."

It almost broke the remaining piece of my heart to leave her standing there with such a sad expression on her face, but I knew, deep down, that the longer I was around vampires, the harder it would make my life. I tried to promise her that I would be back soon, but it wasn't a promise I was sure I could keep.


	9. Chapter 9

**The part in italics, Edward's letter, was originally in the script 'Be Safe', used in the books, and I think it did look a lot better in 'Edward's' own handwriting, as it seemed to be more personal, and I thought it looked more emotional, but alas, I can't upload it in that format here. Nevertheless, enjoy :)**

**xoxoxo  
**

Two weeks after arriving in Florida, after all of my mom's emotional reunions and then apologies, a letter arrived for me. It was sent from Alice, and it was from Edward. She said they had been going through some of his old things, and that they came across two letters, one addressed to Carlisle, and this one, addressed to me. When I read my name in his own personal calligraphy, it seemed to reawaken what was left of my dormant heart.

_My darling Bella_, he began, _I hope dearly that everything works out between us, and that you never have to read this letter. If you are reading this now, then something must have happened to me. I am so sorry, my darling, for anything that may have happened between us. I am writing this as I have just left Forks, and you, and so I do not know what will happen in the months or years to come._

_I am so very sorry for leaving you that day, love. And now, I will do my best to explain my actions. I lied, Bella. I lied, and I am so very sorry. I never wanted to leave you, but I could see that I was constantly putting your life in danger. Your safety and wellbeing was my top priority. I convinced myself that you would be better off without me, and that was the only way that I was able to make myself leave. The whole time I was telling you goodbye, part of me was desperate for you to see through the lie._

_I love you always, my darling. Even when we were apart, and when you thought that I no longer cared. Although my heart no longer beats, I know that it will never stop yearning for you. My only wish is that I may see you again before the end. Even as I write this letter, after having only been away from you for a few hours presently, my body yearns for your touch, I long to hear your heartbeat, and I long to be in your presence._

_And now I must apologise to you again, love. I am sorry for writing this letter to you, when I had told you that you would never hear from me again. If you have started over and moved on, and found someone else, then I am sorry for intruding in your new life. I only write this now, as I am unsure if you were aware of just how much you meant to me. You were the whole reason for my existence, Bella. I will never stop loving you for allowing me to be a part of your life, however brief a time we shared together._

_However, if the opposite is true, and you haven't been able to carry on with your life and find someone else, then I must ask one more thing of you. Please, do not dwell on the past. I am gone now, love. Please, find a way to move on. I know that you do not believe this, but you truly deserve someone better than myself. Please, try to find that someone who is good enough for you. If you do still care for me, please do not try to follow me. I do not know if there is an afterlife for my kind, and it would pain me deeply if I had not only broken your heart, but also caused your death._

_Be safe, my one true love. You are the only one who has ever awoken what is left of my heart, and my humanity. Although my heart no longer beats, and I am unsure if I have a soul, both are yours. I give them to you willingly, asking for nothing in return._

_Love forever,_

_Edward_

His letter was enough to send me over the edge, and I cried for a solid week after receiving it. I wrote back to Alice, thanking her for sending it to me. And that was when I started planning. Really planning. I had been planning this moment since I had touched down in Florida. My mother lived by the sea, and there were several tall cliffs which dropped down into a secluded bay. It was hurricane season in Florida, and the tides were rough. One day, about a month after arrived, I walked up to the cliff tops. It was a particularly stormy, windy day, and I was sure that no one else would dare to venture up here. It turned out that I was right. At the top of the cliff, I looked out onto the water below, the waves hitting the rocks roughly, and I felt more at home than I had done since Edward had died.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is currently my last chapter to this story, I was toying with the idea of adding an additional chapter, but I'm not too sure. **

**If you would like another chapter, please REVIEW and let me know what you would like to see!!!**

**xoxoxo  
**

"EDWARD!" I screamed his name as loudly as I could for five minutes, until my voice grew hoarse. I pulled out his letter, which was now stored in the same place as his photograph, and held it tightly above my head. "I know you told me not to," I sobbed, nearing the cliff edge. "But I can't stand it anymore. Edward! If you're there, please, come to me!" A part of me wondered why Alice wasn't here, trying to stop me. There was no way she could have not seen my plan; I'd been forming it for a month. Maybe she knew that I could never truly let Edward go. Maybe this was her gift to me; she wasn't going to try and stop me, since she knows that this is what I need. My toes teetered on the edge of the cliff top, and that was when he came to me.

"Bella," it was only a whisper, but I knew that it didn't come from the wind. It was his voice, of that much, I was certain.

"Yes?" I didn't feel I was being stupid; Edward was truly here with me. I was certain of that. I would have bet my life on it. I was going to.

"Bella, love. Don't."

"Why not? Why are you allowed to, but I'm not?"

"Please. For me."

I shook my head.

"I can't carry on like this, Edward. I want you. I can't be with anyone else."

I heard his intake of breath turn into a hiss as I prepared myself to jump.

"Bella, no!" My lovely, angry delusion was back, but this time it was real. The growl I heard in my head was real. In that second, he was truly back here with me. I could almost see him. I took his photograph out from my pocket, kissed his picture, and then flung myself off the cliff. This time, I didn't scream. Edward was growling at me, but I didn't care. I was going to rejoin my love. His presence here today proved to me that there was an afterlife. I hit the water hard, and, just as I had predicted, the current soon grabbed me and dragged me under.

"Fight, Bella!"

_But I don't want to._

"Dammit, Bella!" he growled.

_Don't you want me to join you? Don't you want me there with you?_

I heard his heavy breathing, but there was nothing more. There were no growls, no hissing. I knew that he could not deny that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He had broken the rule first, after all. I had told him he wasn't allowed to hurt himself, even if I had died. Why should I be the only keeper of a contract which was no longer valid?

_Edward, I love you._

I started to feel light-headed as my oxygen supply started to run out. But I wasn't afraid. I knew that, when I died, Edward would be there on the other side, his arms outstretched, waiting for me. As I waited for unconsciousness and death, I replayed every moment I had shared with Edward, and I didn't regret anything.


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